google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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