Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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