Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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