help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
