so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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