Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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