It's Friday. Sex?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
