meet me or not, i'm out of control
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
