i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
