hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
