I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
