i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
