I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
