suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
