Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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