I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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