I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
