great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
