shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Pants are for mortals
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
