i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
