Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
