You're my little dorito
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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