Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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