I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
