My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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