I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
