omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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