I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
