you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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