If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
