as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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