like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
