babies were throwing up all over the place
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
