hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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