I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
