Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
