Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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