fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
