I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
