You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
