easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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