I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This is my gift to your gina
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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