I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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