I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
