So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
