My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My dick has a subreddit
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
