update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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