oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
