hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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