So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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