I think I am morally bankrupt
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
