the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
