I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
