drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
