i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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