so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
